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Yeah, so…
I started off my birthday going to bed crying sometime around 1am. And then I got up again because I couldn’t stop the whole damn crying. It’s getting really annoying…
So I went to bed again at 4 and had class at ten. Fun, right? I overslept, too.
I kinda sorta made it through 4 hours of business 101 (boring.) and fell asleep in the middle of it, then went out to eat before the actual break and then everyone left and I left with them and they presented me with stuff. A baking mold for a dream guy and a voucher for a thai massage. YAY.
That was a good present. The other I got prematurely in the form of my external hard-drive filled with 120GB of procrastination, aka a lot of TV series to occupy me.
Then along came a really unexpected one in the form of an e-mail with an actual Apology from L.
Wow.
My parents called, too, with my grandma. She congratulated me and I was trying hard. Everything’s gotta look normal, right?
She handed the phone tomy mother who tried to do small talk and it just doesn’t work. It just does not.
It’s not that hard to understand, when I start crying the minute we start talking, is it?
My dad wrote me an e-mail later that he hates to have me crying and that he wishes we would both give in a little bit.
The thing is… I know I’m right and she’s just scared.
I’m scared, too, but I’m also right…
I tried to avoid all the other calls and hugs and questions, because I’m really not in the mood to celebrate. At least not to celebrate my life and my “day of honor” or whatever… Might go out tomorrow to dance and drink though and have a date before.
Might have to clean up the appartment 
Life still hurts a lot.
Okay, now I consider myself pretty tolerant when it comes to eating habits.
I’m carnivorous, I understand vegetarians and I don’t mind vegans.
But, hey. This leaflet really left me speechless!
It was put in our mailbox a while ago and while on the front it’s all about scientifically explaining how a vegetarian lifestyle would help preserve energy and rain forests….. FUCKING CHICKEN ARE PRAYING FOR ME ON THE BACK !!!
Come on, you gotta be kidding me!
The cow is thanking us for our compassion and the pig says “Save our lives! We love you!” just in case you were wondering…
Oh, and according to the caption, “Supreme Master Television” offers constructive programs for a peaceful world………………….
edit: ah!
…too many songs that I can’t sing right now.
I just can’t wrap my mind around elaborating on them.
If I was to write an album right now, it would be on love and separation and wether or not people can be trusted. And on the beauty of words and of truth.
I wonder why everyone thinks that losing someone can only hurt when there’s romantic love involved.
Why can’t I just be upset that a former friendship has gone up in smokes?
At least, after talking to him one last time, I feel a little more resolved, because I know now that something’s just a little twisted in his head.
Like when you say “let’s keep it platonic”, you actually mean not talking at all ‘for a while’.
Thinking that all my skype-taglines are directed at you.
Having a girlfriend that gets jealous when someone chats you up on Skype.
Clearly that is totally normal behaviour among friends.
I wonder if he still has the decency to give me back my money.
music: Alanis – The couch
(foolish and selfish and cowardly, if you ask me.)
Appointment to look at a room in a shared appartment. And with my prof later.
I just want to sleep forever.
I’m so sick of everything. Of having to look for a place to live, of having to clean up my room, writing, organizing, band practice, losing friends, still functioning.
I just want to lie in my bed and not have to think about anything at all.
Went to a small festival yesterday, basically to see Slut. We caught one other band from Sweden, but they didn’t impress us that much.
Frankly, neither did Slut. He does have a good voice and comes across well live, I suppose they are all good musicians. But then again, there songs already don’t strike me as very engaging except for a few songs on their latest record (If I had a heart, Still No.1, Wednesday – which he performed solo on the piano), so it wasn’t such an uplifting live-experience.
Also, the sound was the worst I’ve heard in a while. The low frequencies were mushed and barely distinguishable while the higher hurt the ear with the singer already having overtones (Obertöne?) in his voice. It sounded really screechy – ouch!
To add to it, we had the pleasure of being surrounded by 7 guys, about 40 years of age who had apparently not been out for at least a decade. Why else were they SO excited to be at a concert, moved about ever other minute (we’re talking huge guys with broad shoulders here) in the middle of the audience, headbanging(!) to Slut(!!) and towards the end throwing full cups of beer into the air? Yikes…
I know it’s July, but it’s also rainy and cold and the server room is even colder and I can’t sleep at night…
It feels like I lie in bed restless and then the alarm goes off and I have to get up. Also missed my bus this morning and took the wrong tram…
So, I want a crackling fireplace and something cosy to wrap in and some food and something to drink and someone to hold me in his arms and make me warm and fuzzy inside.
Apply in the comments
I didn’t get to write some sort of season’s greetings. I wish Merry Christmas anyway.
How was yours?
Mine didn’t at all live up to what it used to be. After spending 2 or 3 years with my boyfriend and his mother I spent the actual 24th with my family again.
Of course, with my grandfather gone, it was at times rather sad, my grandmother wearing black and starting to sniffle every now and then. Not that I blame her.
But it wasn’t just that.
Christmas is the time you celebrate with your family, right?
And usually, that is what we do. Though I don’t get along with my parents too well, I usually enjoy being with my extended German family. However, this year it felt as if they were ganging up on me. As if my mom had found out I’d been talking to my aunt more lately and she didn’t want to be – replaced, so to speak, so they decided to not let me talk at all. At least, that’s what it felt like, I was interrupted when I started talking about my job or my studies or that I was under a lot of pressure before Christmas.
Of course, my boyfriend had to tell all about his job and his dissertation…
I started to get sick on the 25th and spent most of the 26th and 27th in bed. Right now, things have shifted from sinusitis to tonsilitis, I think…
I’m taking antibiotics, too, I hope they help so I can celebrate New Year’s.
Still not sure what we are going to do and where. hmhm.
(myspace sucks)
i’ve kissed someone:
[x] on the cheek.
[x] on the lips.
[x] on their hands or fingers.
[x] in my room.
[x] in their room.
[x] of the opposite sex.
[x] of the same sex
[x] a little younger than me.
[x] a little older than me.
[x] with black hair.
[x] with curly hair.
[x] blonde hair
[x] brown hair
[x] blonde hair and blue eyes.
[ ] with red hair
[x] with straight hair.
[ ] shorter than me.
[x] with a lip ring.
[x] who i truly love/loved.
[x] who was drunk.
[x] who was high.
[x] in the morning.
[x] right after waking up
[x] just before bed.
[x] late at night.
[x] who I had just met.
[x] who I really didn’t want to kiss.
[x] while i was going out with some else.
[x] on a bed.
[ ] in a graveyard.
[x] at school.
[x] against a wall.
[x] at a show.
[x] at the beach.
[ ] in a pool.
[x] who was/is a good friend.
[ ] in the rain.
[ ] with an std.
[x] in the shower/tub
[x] in a car/taxi/bus.
[ ] on a plane.
[x] in the movies.
[x] in a bathroom.
[x] in the dark.
[ ] on a roof top.
[ ] under water.
[x] while driving
[ ] a stranger
[ ] more than one person at once.
[x] and cried.
[x] goodbye forever.
[x] when i was drunk.
[ ] who didn’t speak the same language
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