how abducting civilian tourists is not an act of terrorism.
Just when I had another moment of self-hatred coming up, because I talk too much, think too much, want too much, never seem to fit in, I came across a fitting quote on my new favourite band’s website:
“I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laught and cries.
It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.” - Theodore Isaac Rubin
I’ve been staring at walls of various public bathroom stalls for a while now and I even had my cell phone handy ever once in a while, so I’ll start posting the findings here 
(click the pictures to see them completely)
true love in bielefeld
Words of Wisdom...
Nope.
We don’t all meet a guy and after a few weeks ask him to abandon his former acquaintances, we’re not all jealous like hell and we don’t all act immature and brazen like that.
And I find it insulting that you ask.
music: Damien Rice - Volcano
What I really need is what makes me bleed (She’s still too young)
PS: How do you know it’s better to have known something before you lose it?
Right now, I’m more inclined to thinking it would be better I’d never experienced the things I have - I couldn’t miss them so fiercely then.
PPS: Maybe I’m not cut out for this society. Maybe I should go off to a deserted Island and live with a bunch of free-love-hippies. Yay.
PPPS: Are Hippies into SM?
came home late yesterday, skipped the party and slept a delicious 10 hours.
still hating my computer ever since I put in the wifi-card.
At least the roomie kept the place clean.
Have to unpack 2 suitcases, the one from the journey I just returned from and one for the journey I will no longer embark on.
music: eminem - sing for the moment.
“I guess, words are a motherfucker”
when you’re tired, it’s way harder to control your emotions
and i’m way tired.
.
Aber es ist besser, im [Hotel] zu weinen, als im hvv-bus, oder nicht? *
I wish the whole irrepressible crying thing would stop soon.
.
.
.
What I am to you is not real
What I am to you do not need
What I am to you is no what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I’ll ask for the sea**
I know it’s July, but it’s also rainy and cold and the server room is even colder and I can’t sleep at night…
It feels like I lie in bed restless and then the alarm goes off and I have to get up. Also missed my bus this morning and took the wrong tram…
So, I want a crackling fireplace and something cosy to wrap in and some food and something to drink and someone to hold me in his arms and make me warm and fuzzy inside.
Apply in the comments
My life is kind of passing me by right now.
Aside from the aftermath of the separation and my sloppy roomie, it’s actually pretty good.
It’s a lot of work, studying (or finishing up), working a bit and such. But it’s okay. I can manage. I have friends and good acquaintances and nice people at work and it’s okay.
The thing is that I can’t really accept that I am alone now.
That the whole plan of marrying at 25, kids at 28 will not work out.
That nobody’s in the kitchen cooking for me when I come home and we can have a nice evening together.
And it gets to me so badly that I could cry. A lot.
Another bummer was that my plans for the weekend got busted yesterday - by the plan for the weekend. And it doesn’t only bother me in the imminent way, it’s also that… I have to go back further:
It’s one thing to read that you’re not alone with your desires, that you’re not perverted but merely somewhat deviant from the norm, that there’s more people like you.
And it’s a whole other matter to find an actual person that fits your desires - so perfectly that it’s almost like a revelation, even if it was only in that aspect of life and held no promises for the future.
It still sucks to lose something so precious, so quickly after its discovery.
And I think what bothers me most is that I might never ever find someone who fits enough aspects of my deviant self for me to be happy with for the rest of my life.
And vice versa.
the more i cry the more i cry
as i say goodbye to the way of life
i thought i had designed for me
and i see you standing there
wanting more from me
but all i can do is try
~ nelly furtado
just so you know.
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